You Are Not Alone

Saturday, May 29, 2010


This week, I found myself making haste to, "Mother Goose Story Time" at our local library. This was after placing my wakeful child into the Johnny Jump Up in the doorway of my bathroom, taking a hasty shower, glancing at the clock to find that I did not have time to "do" my hair and spending way more time than I wanted trying to find something that didn't make me look fatter than I am, (which to me, right now, is an near impossible task made even more so tumultuous by the fact that I was PMS-ing) looked put together, somewhat fashionable and my idea of appropriate for my new role as Mom.

What is appropriate for Mom in my mind? Do we even want to get into that? NO. Not really. I would fist fight Stacy and Clinton from TLC's, "What Not to Wear" if they tried to toss my Target Yoga pants into their little metal bin. Let's not even get into the tears and sobbing that would ensue if I ever wedged myself into their 360 degree mirror...

Anyway, I was late, which I HATE. So, so funny considering that I used to be perpetually late for EVERYTHING. Before I conceived Colin, I never cared much if I was late to anything. There are articles and psychobabble out there that say that one of the reasons a person is perpetually late is because they have some "god" complex, or whatever. I was never late because I wanted to make grand entrances, just the opposite. I hated all eyes turned on me when I entered a room, especially when I was late. I just didn't realize the affect my tardiness had. Call it unimaginative disregard, if you're going to call it anything. I just didn't connect myself to the effects my tardiness had on other people. To me, if I got there, I got there, and that was all that mattered. Maybe it was ten minutes late to important functions, and twenty to thirty minutes late to social/party functions, but I got there, didn't I? I showed up, didn't I? I was put off my irritation because I thought, "Well, jeez! I'm not THAT important, am I? I mean, the party wasn't more jovial, or the work meeting more intellectual because I was not there ten minutes earlier, was it?" then, I got pregnant.

I wanted to be on time, if not fifteen to twenty minutes early for each appointment. At the time, I was working a full time job that was hard to tear away from, so I'd get a bit of anxiety when my appointment time neared, shaving down my task to mere seconds before I had to leave to make it to my appointment with enough time to check in. I don't even know why this became important to me. Sure, my health and the health of my unborn child were important, integral and the focal point of each appointment, but I would have seen my doctor anyway, if I was late.

I think it was a sense of maturity settling in. I did matter, and not only did I matter, but what I did and how I acted mattered because someone else who relied on me to be mature and take care of myself came into the picture. Someone I couldn't discuss and argue with was resting inside me, growing and waiting to be born. Without realizing it, I took charge.

Somehow, all that I was before kind of went by the wayside as I prepared for the birth of my son. My sense of humor went on the endangered list, among other things such as my temper, patience, sleep, bladder control and the ability to be stoic. I'm still trying to restore sleep, and have succeeded in the realm of bladder control, (can I get an AMEN for Keigels?) and only recently have I been able to overcome serious Mommy Talk, (you know, labor stories, discussion over development) to rediscover my funny bone.

After Mother Goose Story Time at the library, I went out to lunch with some of the Mommies from the parenting group I belong to, and realized I had a desire to use humor to find a comfortable ground on which to stand.

Mom's talk a lot about their babies, but specialized parenting groups, such as the one I am in, tend to focalize on what we "specialize" in and don't talk much about things that speak about ourselves as individuals. Perhaps that is because when you become a Mom, your world becomes your child. I like talking about my child, his development, the funny things he does, my pregnancy and labor, because it is all special, and I think other Mom's might feel the same way. It's a common ground, even if our babies, ourselves are different. Kind of like war buddies, I’d imagine. "Hey, check out my scars, aka, stretch marks. Want to hear my Labor story? Here's how I cope with life after labor..."

After the third Mommy Date, I want to get to know the Mommy's I hang out with. I want to know what they do, when they can find time to themselves. Cracking jokes and using self-depreciating humor is a way for me to gauge who they are, how comfortable they can get, what they like and sometimes how compatible we'll be. Sure, we can talk babies all day long, and I’ll love it, but sometimes I just need to talk about something other than my baby, even if it's only rarely.

During lunch, I got quite a bit of laughs, which made me feel good. Hopefully, I didn't seem to be trying too hard, or was too awkward. It was slightly first date-ish, but I walked away feeling like it went well enough.

Maybe there should be EHarmony for Mom's. A questionnaire that asks Mom's about their interests and parenting goals, matching them up with like minded Mom's.

1.) Do you Cloth Diaper?

2.) Do you Breastfeed?

3.) Did you have...?

A.) An Epidural

B.) A Drug free, intervention free birth?

C.) A C-Section

4.) Do you Work?


Or, you could have a bio. Mine would be something like this...

"Thirty year old, first time Mom. Stays at home with baby. One car family. Wanted a drug/intervention free childbirth, ended up having an epidural. Use disposables, but looking into cloth. Breastfeed, and plan to until baby is at the very least one year old. Use Natural cleaners in home. Baby led schedule. Co-sleeps occasionally. Does not believe in the CIO method. Married ten years. Husband works long hours, makes me crazy. Transitioning to a real food family. Looking for like minded Mom's who resist gossip and severe, limited judgment of others. Prior interests before baby were reading various authors such as Chuck Pahlanski, Kurt Vonnegut, Ayn Rand, Jude Deveraux, Ben Bova, Orson Scott Card. Loved to read books such as, Self-help, sci-fi, horror, romance, biographies, anything interesting. Watched movies, but favorites include rom-com's, sci-fi, zombie, horror, comedy, drama. Favorite movies include, "Love Actually", "The Little Mermaid", "Dawn of the Dead", "Garden State", just to name a few. Understands and appreciates British Humor such as the Monty Python Troupe. Loves to shop, trying to reform shopping habits to be more frugal. Likes all types of music, but before baby went to local bars to hear local bands, most notably Indie Bands at New World Brewery in Ybor City. Was born and raised in Seattle, Washington and moved to Florida after Husband got out of Army in 2001. You can take the girl out of Washington, but you can't take Washington out of the girl. Loves the rain, faces roller coaster phobia and conquers it, every time I go to a theme park. Can be a flibbertigibbet from time to time. Recently picked up crocheting and trying to learn to knit. Sometimes goes stir crazy and wishes we had another car. Have insane amount of freckles and is currently fighting a Facebook addiction. If I sound like fun, and you want to get to know me better, let me know!"

That is what my bio might be.

I'm all about my baby right now. I think my world will, from now on, mostly revolve around my Son. I don't have a problem with that, as long as I still get to be myself and do the things I enjoy from time to time. I spent twenty years as a girl, and nine years as a wife and woman before I gave birth. I was much more than just a Mom, I am much more than just a Mom. As long as I can remember that, I think I’ll be okay.

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